


A Small World

by Viridian5



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack Fic, Episode Related, Humor, Multi, Plot What Plot, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-04-13
Updated: 1998-04-13
Packaged: 2017-10-02 09:10:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krycek comes back to cheer Mulder up in his own unique style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Small World

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Duane Barry," "Ascension," "Anasazi," "Piper Maru," "Apocrypha," "Tunguska," "Terma," and "The Red and the Black."
> 
> Thanks, as usual, to Small Woodinat Creature. No one can live on dark and angsty stories alone. This silly little PWP isn't my fault. Really. It started with me getting Pinky's "Roll Call of Cheeses" stuck in my head, which led to a discussion with friends about the worst songs you could get stuck in your head, which led to me recalling a particularly traumatic experience (see my story at the end if you're interested). Then I saw the often homoerotic "The Pumaman" on _Mystery Science Theater 3000_. If you saw it too, you know the scene that inspired this story. So I can't be blamed.

KRYCEK: I knew why all the screaming and gunshot noises coming from Mulder's apartment never got reported by his neighbors. He had the TV on and tuned in to cop shows and monster movies at all hours of the night.

He'd fallen asleep watching a cheesy 50's giant bug movie. This one had all the classic elements from Mulder's list. The Giant Creepy Crawler, the Ineffectual Slab of Beef "Hero," the Beautiful and Helpless Woman Who Falls For Him Anyway, the Pseudo- Scientist, the Doomed Best Friend, the Faceless Cannon Fodder, even the Peeping Tom Scene. I remembered Mulder brainstorming to these films, hurling quips at the screen, until he had a breakthrough on whatever case we had been working on. Open case folders littered the nearby tables. Pathetic. You need to get a life, Mulder.

He had fallen asleep on the couch still in his work clothes, with only the suit jacket and shoes missing. The pants still looked amazingly pressed, but he had unbuttoned the collar and rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt. His tie hung loosely around his neck. He'd started wearing staid, solid color ties recently, perhaps in response to all the insults everyone who knew him hurled at his usual loud, ugly ties. I missed them. His reading glasses still clung just barely to the tip of his nose. All very sexy in a repressed way. I leaned over him and took in the scent of old leather and Mulder.

He looked so peaceful and innocent and presented such an endearing picture that it would be a shame to wake him. Well, sweet and innocent if you didn't notice the growing bulge in his pants. It must be some dream.

I felt a plan forming. An ability to improvise and take advantage of the unexpected was the mark of a master spy, after all. I had something very naughty in mind.

I briefly fought with myself over it. He slept so deeply and peacefully, which was so rare for him. Should I really wake him up? My evil side won as usual. No one ever accused me of being a good boy.

  


* * *

MULDER: Scully clawed me and screamed my name as I thrust into her and the screechy children's choir from hell went through the next chorus of "It's a Small World After All." The creepy animatronic child dolls sang and danced jerkily as our boat/train passed through. They seemed to be watching us, but they couldn't ruin the mood.

This had to be a sign of a serious mental disturbance. I could see boffing Scully on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride or Space Mountain but the It's a Small World ride? _//Actually I can't see myself boffing Scully at all, but this is my dream, so why not? After all, Scully usually doesn't let me get this far, not even in my dreams.//_

When we hit the Polynesian room with the hula dancing dolls, Scully reached behind her back and, blue eyes gleaming, brought out an eggbeater. "Ready for your anal probe, Mulder?" she asked.

I was about to answer in the enthusiastic affirmative when Krycek suddenly appeared and took it away from her. "Let's leave that to the professionals," he said as he gave me a look that made my insides burn. Then I felt the dream start to dissolve around me as I woke up. That a sharp feeling of disappointment outweighed my relief surprised me. Did I really want to see where this would go?

At first I thought I had wandered into another dream. Krycek sat on top of me and smiled as he saw my eyes open. "Is there anyone who hasn't broken into your apartment? If I were you, I'd move out," he said.

I realized that I wasn't wearing any pants and that Krycek wasn't wearing any pants and he was-- How the hell did I sleep through him setting this up? "I meet the most interesting people this way," I gasped as he started to rock. "So what brought you back? Were you disappointed with your cameo appearance in My Pathetic Life the other night?"

I thought I handled things pretty well considering that I woke up to discover that Krycek had broken into my apartment again and impaled himself on me as I slept. At least I could still talk. Being around him always struck me like a blow to the head. First you're stunned and can't even be aware of trying to think, then you try to gather your thoughts but feel them slide away and shatter. He always made my brain take a vacation, leaving my body to muddle through as best it could.

Better not to think about what my body's doing right now.

_//This is Krycek! Get him off!//_ It looks like I'm getting him off right now. _//No, knock him away from you! He helped them take Scully, killed your father, helped kill Scully's sister, and betrayed you over and over again!//_ I know all that, and I will, but later....

"Well," he said, "I left thinking what a great thing I had done for you. Then I thought, 'Alex, you putz, knowing his luck, he'll probably get there in time to almost see something and then have it yanked away, leaving him with his dick in his hand. So to speak.' So I decided to come back here and make it up to you."

He looked down at me with the same almost-tender look he'd had the night he kissed me. The lust mixed in only made it more poignant. As usual, he confused the hell out of me.

One of his hands trailed over my ribs under my shirt while the prosthetic, still encased in the leather of his glove and jacket, rested against my shoulder. _//I'd realized the other night that he'd lost his left arm and knew immediately how. I'd felt a rush of emotion I couldn't analyze. Pain and sympathy and pity and terror at my own close escape. He gave me a kiss and my faith back and left me sitting in the dark with my thoughts tumbling.//_

Stop. Don't.... Don't stop.... Please, don't stop.

"Do you know how long I've wanted to do this?" he asked with only the harsh, breathy tone of his voice giving away what he was doing. "Since I first saw you. The Consortium wanted me to jump you, but I knew I would have to betray you. It was enough that I was fucking you over without fucking you over too. So to speak. The next time you were out of your mind. The time after that I was possessed by an alien oil slick. In that cell in Tunguska I wanted to just pin you against the wall and take you, but I didn't want to give the guards any more cause for speculation about your firm ass than they already had. If not for me, you would have been the star of your very own porn production: Gulag Gangbang."

I couldn't answer. I could barely even see. I lost myself in sensation, the way he engulfed me in tight heat, the weight of him, the slithery feeling of his hand against my skin. I felt myself flying apart under him and couldn't care.

  


* * *

KRYCEK: It amazed me to see his face, which he usually kept so blank and expressionless, melt in the heat of lust. I watched as his skin flushed, his eyelids fluttered under the glasses, and his lips parted to make the most incredible incoherent sounds of enjoyment. His hands clenched in my leather jacket. The flickering gray-white light of the TV highlighted the fine sheen of sweat on his skin.

The movie provided a ludicrous soundtrack of the most melodramatic music possible. I briefly turned my head in time to watch the giant mantis devour a hapless bystander, and it made me laugh. I couldn't have chosen a more Mulder moment if I'd planned all this years in advance.

He bucked under me, thrusting deeper, making me moan. For years I'd wondered if my recollection of him in that red Speedo had been too kind. Imagine my pleasure in realizing that my memory hadn't done him justice.

Suddenly his hands reached for my cock and started to stroke and pump me. I hit my climax immediately and felt him let go beneath me soon after. I rolled to the side before I collapsed on him and somehow managed to scrunch in next to him on the narrow couch. We were already sticking to the leather, but I felt it was worth it.

As I kissed him, I wondered what he was thinking. I hadn't left him much choice. Would he like it or be disgusted once he had a chance to think about it?

"Krycek," he gasped in that raw silk tone I loved. I leaned in closer to hear him. He grinned.

"Would you mind going into the kitchen for a moment? There's something in there I'd like you to get for me."

 

### End

 

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** My true story of being trapped on the It's a Small World ride:  
There were so many other rides I could have been on when Disney World's power grid blew, but I had the dumb luck to be in there. You might ask how I ended up on It's a Small World, but it's a long and complicated story.

Anyway, the boat/train stopped dead in the Polynesian room, the music stopped (thank God), the creepy dolls jerked to a halt, and the emergency lights went on. We were surrounded by water, but I knew I wasn't the only one thinking it wasn't such a long jump to shore. Maybe the water wasn't electrified. A Disney employee dressed like a little shepherd boy (in green corduroy short pants, suspenders, knee socks, a frilly white shirt, and a cap with a red feather in it) opened the emergency exit door and told us to stay in the train, then left. As if he had any authority dressed like that.

Then _they turned the music back on_. They didn't have enough power to get us the hell out of there, but they had enough to bring back the children's choir from hell. As the high, screeching notes liquefied my brains, I started to feel like the dolls were staring at me and thought about braving the water, electricity or not. Twenty minutes later the ride started again, but I was left forever scarred.


End file.
